an “exorcise” in futility

“well, i am running down the road tryin’ to lose some load…take it easy, don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy….lighten up while you still can.don’t even try to understand.just find a place to make your stand….”-the eagles,take it easy.

 a mere 1 kilometer into the men’s health 15k race last sunday and i started to feel weird.my legs got heavy and my head was having a sensation.things that never happened to me before,not in races nor training days.

i was hoping that as soon as i would sweat along the way,i would feel better.i did my usual pre-race rituals and all.as the kilometers passed by,my legs and head got heavier however.slowly but surely,i was fading fast.i counted at least 7 runners passing me by at km 8 or so.as much as i wanted to push myself,i just could not.i was ready for my 2nd dnf,on trail again no less.the frequent zigzags on the route did not help.i became more disoriented and felt like throwing up at some point.

but with one last push,i drove hard for the finish line if only to avoid getting “chicked” again.i was successful by an arm’s length.finally,the ordeal was over.at least for the race.

i was feeling so bad i did not stay for the post-race festivities.mark parco aka VO2,who was with me at some point of the race,quipped that i wasn’t sweating like he did after the race when we saw each other again at the parking lot.this was getting weirder.i would and should have been sweating but i was not.i brushed the thought aside and chatted with my hc buds.but i started to have a splitting headache that prompted jay to give me a pain reliever.i downed it and upon reaching mcdonald’s in slex on the way back,the pain was gone.but i was still dizzy.

but my legs were still heavy.i was trying to recall what i did the previous day/s that might have contributed to all these.i was clearly in no mood to eat.i barely ate my pancakes.i thought i would feel better as the day wore on.

but that would not be the case.

finally home,i felt very weak and was having palpitations again just like what i had during the race proper.i wasn’t able to wash my running clothes and trail shoes as i am wont to do.i took a shower and headed for bed and promptly fell like a log.i was so sleepy,in pain and very weak.that was around 11am or so.

when i woke up at around 4pm,things were no better.i was feverish and aching all over.i took the necessary medicines and hydrated like i never did.ate a late lunch.went back to bed in the hope that more rest would make me feel good.nothing.when i woke up at around 9pm,i felt just as bad so i decided to stay in bed.

on monday,i could not even get up without feeling dizzy.the a(h1n1) news that kept coming on tv wasn’t helping either.i was feeling feverish but my temperature showed that i was normal.i took another dose of medicine and hydrated some more.ate a ton for breakfast and went back to bed.for the first time,i skipped a day-after recovery run.this week was supposed to be taper week for botak.

tuesday came and i was hoping that i would be better.but my head was still heavy and i was having palpitations time and again.i was sweating coldly too.worried now, i texted doc joe if i had that dreaded flu virus.he did not think so.another text for a 2nd opinion and i was told to have a complete blood test.i gave myself until wednesday to see if i would feel good.the medicines over the counter were not helping.again,no workouts whatsoever today.

wednesday morning came and i finally decided to have the tests.i was feeling just as bad.all these 3 days ,i tried to do things as normal but with a heavy feeling all over.i got my results later in the afternoon.all readings were normal thankfully.

so what was wrong with me?was i burned out or something?i browsed the internet and clicked “overfatigue”.what i saw sort of surprised me.the symptoms were similar to what i was experiencing the past few days.the cures were there too.and the doctor’s verdict was to get more rest.nothing.wednesday passed and that was 3rd day of inactivity.

thursday and friday came with no physical activities whatsoever except the mouth exercises in excess of 3 times a day.there would be spells of dizziness and palpitations.and the thought of skipping botak altogether was looming large.

not again,not on an ultra.not when i am on a mission.things would have been different if this race were just a a 10k run but this is not.when will the next ultra be?next to a dnf, a dns is another dreaded term.

much as i wanted to attend the carbo loading last night,i chose to stay home and gain more rest in the hope that it would translate to recovery.

i asked around for advices and the answers were unanimous,rest and recover some more.

so today saturday morning, i literally am resting my case(run).another first for me.on an ultra race again.dns.

i thank you all dear friends for your invaluable pieces of advice and willingness to support me during the race proper.but as it is,the exorcism will have to wait.for now,i would have to cool my heels till march 5,2010 and vent all my frustrations during the 2nd bdm and hopefully finish again.

the tnf will come.in hindsight,i was thinking that finishing botak100 would not have diminish the ignominy of the tnf fiasco.it will have to take a tnf100 trail run no less for the exorcism to be completely satisfying.that’s is going to be another story and struggle.

and so i say to all botak ultra runners going at it tonight,good luck and may you be all successful in your quests.to all you ultra virgins,savor the moment for you are virgins just once-at least for the distance.take baby steps at the start.you will be thankful you did especially when you are at the latter part of the race.

i will miss ya’ all  while i will gently sleep.and rest and recover some more.